She's always walked into his room the same way. She did it the first day, and according to her, she'll do it the same until her death. He's starting to doubt she can even die. Everything about her is awful, but the worst is always whenever she's in his room for a "feelings jam".
)(IC: yo psii water you doin
When ever she's in the room, he knows what's going to happen. He knows that she's upset, and he knows that she's going to need someone to calm her down. He can already feel her psionics on him, and his mind draws back to when he had two palemates, and how he was once the Psiioniic, and not the Helmsman. She hates it, he knows that she hates it, and he feels the burn of her wrath across his suspended body, and were he in control of himself, he would've screamed.
)(IC: O)( )(---ELL NO YOU AINT DOIN THAT S)(IT )(---ER---E
Pain- it's all just pain. It all just hurts. There's nothing he can do, nothing he can be, because he's become her Diamond, and that means becoming her target. Sometimes, he wonders wether or not she's also Pitch for him.
The pain simmers down. It's slow, a trickle, as his muscles relax, his contorted face returing to its placated neutrality, his clenched fists slowly opening, and he faintly, so far away it might as well be the Handmaid herself come to take him, feels her drag a finger across his chin, down his body, and into his palm, as if she were electrocuting his bloodpusher with her touch.
)(IC: i could never be pitc)( for you buoy <>
She says it so gently, like it's a confession she never thought she'd make, and she looks so fucking happy here- like he's the only one that gets what she's like, and he's the one that was made to fill her pale quadrant- and, because he knows these times are fleeting, so quick and easy to lose, he pretends. He pretends that this is all a game, some fucked up kinky roleplay, and once they've had their fill, she'll take his hand and help him from the bonds he's been ensnared in, and then they'll talk, enjoy eachother, he'll give her trouble for her hemo-play and she'll retort back and say that he was just as into it and they'll be happy and-
)(IC: our descendants are pale too
That snaps him out of his fantasy, and he gets plunged into cold hard terror.
THE HELMSMAN: FUCK... REELY?
She laughs at his pun, a loud, witchy cackle that makes him remember who she really is, and what she's done-what her ancestor will surely do as well.
THE HELMSMAN: FUCK, 11 MEAN- 11 DONT REMEMBER CONTR11BUT11ING TO THE SLURRY.
He's scared. What's she like? Is she hurting him? How could she not? What's he like? How'd he even come into being, anyways?
)(IC: the )(andmaid said theyre cool, chill your globes
THE HEMLSMAN: THE HANDMA11D. YOURE SH11TT11ING ME.
)(IC: fo reel! s)(e s)(owed up and was all spooky and s)(it and told me w)(ats gon )(appen soon
THE HELMSMAN: HOW SOON 11S SOON?
She pauses, and she takes her hand off of him- he hadn't even realised that she was still there, sat on the floor, grasping his palms like they were young grubs in love- maybe they were, now that their descendants got together too.
She stands, and looks out towards Alternia, gaze focused on the Green Moon. His mind reminds him that Kankri had once, back when he was able to reach out and hold him and love him, told him of a world with only the Pink, but he stops himself from reminiscing. The burns may have subsided, but he is still her Helmsman.
)(IC: ...s)(e said a few perigees
Fuck. Fuck, that's soon. He suddenly aches for her to comfort him, and he's more shocked to find himself unshaken at the thought.
THE HELMSMAN: THATS TWO SOON. WHATD SHE SAY WAS GONNA HAPPEN? TELL ME.
Why does he care? He shouldn't, he can remember back to his first moirails, how he was always being comforted by them, how Kankri made him feel safe, and how warm and happy Meulin was, but its been sweep upon sweep and suddenly the pain and pity have melded in his thinkpan and the only thing he can think to do is comfort the woman that tore them away, but he knows she'll eventually tear him apart with her pity and he's so confused and tired and FUCKFUCKFUCKF7UCKF748KFU74K-
Suddenly she's hugging him. She's holding him so tight the only thing he can think about is her grip, how painful it is but how much he needs it- his thinkpans rotted through itself, he's sure of it.
)(IC: ya thinkpan aint broken ya just an idiot
It's said as a low murmur, a declaration that said much more about her than him. He knows how this routine goes; he remembers before, she gets mad, and he gets put to use. He knows how it feels to calm her down, he knows what it takes, but suddenly all the emotion she had before has been replaced by pity for him.
THE HELMSMAN: ...SORRY.
Kankri once said that he used to say sorry alot in the other world he got visions from, and he idly wonders is he was pale for her there, as well.
She gasps, and his thinkpan stills.
)(IC: ...ya reely pale for me?
Her nails dig into his clothes, and he can tell his piss-yellow blood is going to stain her nails, and he quietly tenses for her to realise and get upset- but it never comes. She just. Sits there, tight on him, like she's the one dependant on him. He can feel bile crawl up from the sudden realisation of how far gone he had really gotten after all these sweeps.
THE HELMSMAN: ...YEAH, 11 AM. 11 D11DNT-
His thinkpan was spinning- how could he- after all this time- he's never been anything to her! But now, he's being held, and it's been so, so, long since he'd been held.
If Meulin could see-if Meulin were even alive- she'd hate him. Or she'd think he was brainwashed, or something. She'd try to help him. He doesn't think that he'd let her.
He's been stuck in this room for so long that he doesn't even regard himself with his own name, were anyone here for him, he'd be too far gone for it all.
)(IC: i fucking love you tuna
...What?
He-Mituna suddenly can't breath- that's what Kankri said, that's what Meulin said, that's why Porrim said, they all loved him and now he's here and now he-he-
THE HELMSMAN: 11 LOVE YOU TOO.
Mituna doesn't- he can't, not when he's literally being used to power her engines, not when he can look down and see all the trolls she'll cull for not being good enough, not when she condemned everyone else but left him-
She kisses his forehead, right between his horns, and leaved the room.
Fuck, fuck, fuck- Mituna doesn't know what to do, he doesn't know what to say-
Then he remembers that he can't. He's her's, and that means that he' stuck here. The ghost of her body is still on his, but it just serves as a taunt- you can't leave, and you haven't been able to leave for 612 sweeps now.
Mituna must be insane- maybe, like in the other world, something went wrong with his psionics and left his thinkpan crazy- he can hear Kankri right now, telling him that he's being rude to himself, and then he'd shoosh pap him and-fuck.
Fuck, Mituna's insane, because Kankri's dead, Meulin would hate him, and he's pale for Her Imperious Condesencion.
Out of the corner of his eye, he can see someone.
THE HANDMAID: y(8)u're really pathetic, mituna capt(8)r. y(8)u're g(8)ing t(8) be taken by the Vast Glub in 15.5 perigees.
The Handmaid vanishes right after. Mituna Captor is all alone, in a cold, dark mess of tendril and wiring, left in his own misery.
He deserves it. He'd count down the days, but it'd make her feel upset once she comes back for another feelings jam.
Mituna Captor, The Psiioniic, The Helmsman, hopes it happens soon.